First, I’d like to point out what St. Pope John Paul II called “practical atheism”. That is, those who profess Christ as savior yet live as if He isn’t.
One thing that is ubiquitous yet often goes unseen or unacknowledged, is that all humans feel and struggle with loss and calamity much the same way. The difference being a matter of philosophy. My time as a combat medic on the battlefield and my time as an EMT and later as an RN working in Trauma 1 ER, in one’s final moments of life, there are observable differences between the faithful and those whom do not espouse faith or God.
That said, as a man of faith, I’ve never known a person wether in their last moments of life or recovering from tragedy that doesnt appreciate the genuine concern and desire of another to offer any comfort or encouragement. Including prayer. I was told by a patient once “Oh don’t waste your time praying for us, we’re atheists” to which I replied, “Well, then if it works consider it a bonus that won’t show up on your bill. Just leave the believing to me”. In any other circumstance, that likely would have led to a debate or me being told to hit the bricks.
God is not in the disaster, He’s in what comes after.
We are, after all, hardwired to believe in something greater than ourselves (neuroscience is indeed a groundbreaking frontier of science).
For those interested in a philosophical discussion of faith in times of tragedy, I recommend the book A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanauken.
My first thought hearing this tragic event (your daughter's suicide)was that maybe if she had some sort of "faith" , not necessarily traditional Abrahamic religion, she would have seen some hope for her future. My observation is that secular atheists struggle with depression and nihilism a lot more than believers. Just my two cents... I can't imagine loosing one of my children.
Being an atheist myself and having recently lost the love of my life I'm afraid I'm not buying the general message here. While it's true that suicide is a special case (and it's the only way this argument has any weight at all) I envy the religious people who can -ultimately - take some small level of solace in the belief that there are things that God does that we are not meant to understand. Or even better, the belief that I might see my love again in the afterlife. And religion isn't as strict as it was in Lewis' time. As Christopher Hitchens wrote, we now take things a la carte. So I'm sure you can be religious now and still believe your loved one can commit suicide and still go to heaven. Is it inconsistent? Yes, but that's besides the point with religion: to make death and loss feel slightly more tolerable. As for being wracked with guilt: there is no way that this author isn't just as wracked by guilt - not because he believes it's a sin but because, like myself, he and his wife will imagine what they could have done differently to prevent this tragedy. They may well know on a deep level that it's not their fault, but that doesn't stop the human mind from thinking "What could I have done differently...? Maybe this...? Maybe that...?" In the end, sincerely, my deepest condolences. I know how bad this is, atheist or not. Like me, he and his wife are now part of a club that no one wants to be a part of - losing someone well before their time.
Even the Catholic Church has backed way off on “unforgivable sin”. The only sin that cannot be forgiven is “blaspheming the Holy Spirit” suicide is not that. Both secular and theological biblical scholars agree on that point.
I hope this gives you some clarity. For my part, know that I’ll remember you and what you’re experiencing
If the author is reading this -- I have suffered the same experience that he has in losing a child to suicide. I'm Xian, but the questions of causality point back to the choices we have made as a culture; the mental strain will also push you to question your own decisions on child rearing.
You cannot negotiate with it. Stay strong. We are our own problems. Wait it out.
First, I’d like to point out what St. Pope John Paul II called “practical atheism”. That is, those who profess Christ as savior yet live as if He isn’t.
One thing that is ubiquitous yet often goes unseen or unacknowledged, is that all humans feel and struggle with loss and calamity much the same way. The difference being a matter of philosophy. My time as a combat medic on the battlefield and my time as an EMT and later as an RN working in Trauma 1 ER, in one’s final moments of life, there are observable differences between the faithful and those whom do not espouse faith or God.
That said, as a man of faith, I’ve never known a person wether in their last moments of life or recovering from tragedy that doesnt appreciate the genuine concern and desire of another to offer any comfort or encouragement. Including prayer. I was told by a patient once “Oh don’t waste your time praying for us, we’re atheists” to which I replied, “Well, then if it works consider it a bonus that won’t show up on your bill. Just leave the believing to me”. In any other circumstance, that likely would have led to a debate or me being told to hit the bricks.
God is not in the disaster, He’s in what comes after.
We are, after all, hardwired to believe in something greater than ourselves (neuroscience is indeed a groundbreaking frontier of science).
For those interested in a philosophical discussion of faith in times of tragedy, I recommend the book A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanauken.
My first thought hearing this tragic event (your daughter's suicide)was that maybe if she had some sort of "faith" , not necessarily traditional Abrahamic religion, she would have seen some hope for her future. My observation is that secular atheists struggle with depression and nihilism a lot more than believers. Just my two cents... I can't imagine loosing one of my children.
Being an atheist myself and having recently lost the love of my life I'm afraid I'm not buying the general message here. While it's true that suicide is a special case (and it's the only way this argument has any weight at all) I envy the religious people who can -ultimately - take some small level of solace in the belief that there are things that God does that we are not meant to understand. Or even better, the belief that I might see my love again in the afterlife. And religion isn't as strict as it was in Lewis' time. As Christopher Hitchens wrote, we now take things a la carte. So I'm sure you can be religious now and still believe your loved one can commit suicide and still go to heaven. Is it inconsistent? Yes, but that's besides the point with religion: to make death and loss feel slightly more tolerable. As for being wracked with guilt: there is no way that this author isn't just as wracked by guilt - not because he believes it's a sin but because, like myself, he and his wife will imagine what they could have done differently to prevent this tragedy. They may well know on a deep level that it's not their fault, but that doesn't stop the human mind from thinking "What could I have done differently...? Maybe this...? Maybe that...?" In the end, sincerely, my deepest condolences. I know how bad this is, atheist or not. Like me, he and his wife are now part of a club that no one wants to be a part of - losing someone well before their time.
Even the Catholic Church has backed way off on “unforgivable sin”. The only sin that cannot be forgiven is “blaspheming the Holy Spirit” suicide is not that. Both secular and theological biblical scholars agree on that point.
I hope this gives you some clarity. For my part, know that I’ll remember you and what you’re experiencing
If the author is reading this -- I have suffered the same experience that he has in losing a child to suicide. I'm Xian, but the questions of causality point back to the choices we have made as a culture; the mental strain will also push you to question your own decisions on child rearing.
You cannot negotiate with it. Stay strong. We are our own problems. Wait it out.